Our Little Love Story
This is my second attempt at our story; I got way too sidetracked the first time around which has now made me choose a completely different angle. So here goes...
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My whole life I genuinely believed my mother was setting me up for an arranged marriage. She didn't even try to hide it from me, or anyone for that matter. The poor, unassuming little boy she had carefully selected had no interest in me whatsoever; neither did any boy throughout my whole school career. Mom's "joking" threats about no boyfriends until I'm 50 ringing in my ears and like Snow White's poison apple, rendered me temporarily (emotionally) unavailable.
M and Me at University, 2021
In complete honesty and transparency, I have been putting off writing this post for a while. Not because I don't want to write it, but because it is so hard to put into words the whirlwind and adventure of us. It's been such a long, not-always-easy road so to try and condense it into a bite-sized internet version is pretty tough. Also, it's a ton of pressure because how on earth do you describe the love of your life to people who have never had the privilege of meeting him? And since he's also going to be reading this, he will be my toughest critic and truth-telling accountability partner, making sure I don't stray off the honesty path as I get carried away writing our fairytale.
Then, like Cinderella as the clock stroke midnight, I went off to university in the tiniest of towns and everything changed. I was on my own, living the student life in the least student-friendly place there was. In all the chaos and adjustment of settling in, I don't even remember meeting M. Unlike the fairytales, there was no love at first sight, instant pull, 1000 butterflies as your eyes lock, heart fluttering, air soaring moment. Though, if you ask M, he may tell you a different story.
M looking fiiiiiine, 2021
M and Me again, 2021
We quickly became friends, he admitted feelings and my poison apple kicked in, sending me running for the hills. Slowly, with some time and a lot of childish bickering, we reconnected and were closer than ever. A year after his first attempt, M mustered up even more courage and tried again, with success this time (what a legend). Our friends were hardly surprised by the news of us and the first week was exciting and fun but weirdly awkward trying to figure out each other in this new light and what being a Christian couple at university meant for us.
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Then, as most stories go, tragedy struck: the world was hit by a pandemic and we were separated for 6 months. Looking back, it was actually a blessing in disguise for our relationship. It was awful and hard and made all my worries amplify, but we were forced to put in effort every day and connect on a much deeper, emotional level.
I kept our relationship a secret from my family for the entire lockdown period, unsure of how they would react to the news that their eldest daughter was dating. M had told his whole family as it happened and he couldn't take being kept in the dark from mine any longer. So, when postal services reopened, he sent flowers. Safe to say, I wasn't locked in a tower and he was invited to stay with us a month later. I wish I could tell you that they loved him and the rest is history, but sadly, only the first part is true.
It really was love at first sight for my parents and him; they would adopt him if they could and he knows it. I think it's M's proudest achievement in life, he brags about how much they like him constantly.
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The story continues on with some normal bits, lots of long distance and tons of tears (a few happy ones). M would write me the most beautiful poems and we would laugh until our giggles came out hoarse. It sucks that most of our memories were made over the phone, but we learnt how to prioritise and treasure our brief visits. The key: make everything an adventure. I think I mentioned this in the Garden Route post, but basically, add a little bit extra to any mundane activity you do. Don't just go grocery shopping, make it a race or a scavenger hunt. Life is too short to get stuck in routine. Also, don't skip out on dates, real dates, like bringing her flowers before taking her to your favourite spot for a picnic. We didn't go on a "real date" for at least a year of our relationship; we blamed it on life and all its craziness, but really, we were just being lazy. Remember, it goes both ways too, ladies take your man out once in a while, surprise him, do something you know he enjoys, even if you don't.
M and Me at his house in Pretoria, 2022
Sorry, again, easily sidetracked. Back to the story, most of our relationship has been spent apart. Most years, we were lucky if we saw each other more than 5 weeks total. As we graduated and started career-hunting, our future became more and more uncertain. We were never uncertain of each other but it was often difficult to find a solution to the distance; one where we didn't have to sacrifice our aspirations. These pressures began to weigh heavily on me and I made a few decisions - some good, some bad - but looking back, I know they were meant to happen, even if I didn't like the results.
In today's society, it's frowned upon to give up your educational or occupational future for a boy, especially when you're so young, but I'm starting to realise that the dream job means nothing without being able to come home at the end of the day to the person you love most.
M takes me fishing, 2023
I've never been good at making decisions and I constantly look to God for writing on the wall, but the other day I was reminded that the message God wrote on that wall wasn't one I would have wanted. It has taken me so long to realise that we make mistakes, but God doesn't. Our "mistakes" will never tamper with His plan, they aren't that big or powerful in the grand scheme of things.
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Unfortunately, for people like me, it doesn't mean that we can go about never making choices and just waiting for life to make them for us. God presents us with opportunities that shouldn't pass us by. M and I have learnt that we need to actively pursue things. We can't wait around for "the perfect time", because that time will never come naturally, you have to make it. God's desire is for us to have life in abundance; more joy, more fullness. If we let life and things pass us by, we aren't living in the fullness of His love.
If I have any advice to give you from our crazy, adventurous, unexpected, BIG LOVE relationship, it would be this:
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Life's decision's are important and God's guidance even more so. When making choices about things that seem like life or death, God has already been ahead of you. He knows what each path leads to and He has prepared the way no matter which road you decide to take. That's His promise to you. As long as you are acting out of love and knowledge of His word, you will be just fine. Whatever is meant to be, He will make it so, no matter what you do. Even though I have prayed earnestly about our relationship, it hasn't been all smooth sailing. And even though things may have seemed impossible to conquer and others may have been a little broken, they were mended and made even better than before.
More of Us, 2021
I wrote the following paragraph one night a few years ago when I couldn't sleep. I think it probably would have prevented a lot of tears if I had uncovered it when I started to panic about us and what lay ahead.
"M, for a year before we even started dating I watched you fight and pursue and never give up on me despite my hesitancy and reservations and that is how I knew you were the one: your love is the most tangible example of the love of Jesus."
It's just like the Bible says, "husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" - Ephesians 5:25 NIV. Even though we aren't married, that is the characteristic of the man you should be looking for. So my prayer for you is that you find someone who loves you like Jesus does and when you do, don't take him for granted.
Need prayer, some advice, encouragement or have something to share? I would love to hear from you! Pop me a message by clicking the envelope below and we can get chatting x
